TSOFE Lesson 1



What prompted me to finally bring this material out is there are some personal things I have to say. I didn't start out to have expertise in sexual matters. My expertise has been internal medicine, which led me to specialize in weight loss and hormone replacement.

And in the process of doing hormone replacement, I literally took care of thousands of women, probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 or 4000 women over the past 10 years or so that I have interviewed and treated, examined them and treated them, and had the privilege of helping them deal with health issues. And the particular thing that most of the women came to me with where all the issues that are related to hormone problems including weight, fatigue and sexual difficulties.

In the process of talking to that many women, I would have to be stupid not to learn something. And they'd frequently tell me things they would never tell their lover because they love their husband or their boyfriend and so I've learned how their body's responding and how it's responding particularly how it relates to their physiology.

One of the exciting things about this material is that it's unique in that I don't know of anyone who has, the people who have studied sex in the past haven't had access to the sorts of blood testing that I have available, that has become available just from the past five years or so.

And so being able to correlate that with the personal history of these women is a unique privilege. And at the same time I've had on a personal basis gone through some evolution that is somewhat unique, I suppose, in that beginning as a college student, I started studying sexuality probably on a deeper level than most people and looked at some of the esoteric teachings about sexual energy and its transmutation. This is back in the eighties, when most people weren't familiar, the early eighties and late seventies, when most people in the States, weren't familiar with the Chinese Tao and the tantra and tantric practices.

And I was studying Hatha and Korea yoga and energy flow and at the same time I was studying Christianity and chemistry and working as a research chemist before medical school. So it was kind of a unique position I was put in. And I had an interest in nutrition, and so it's this overview, and then on a personal basis I had this odd thing in that I was particularly unattractive in high school, I had, I think, two dates in all of high school. Extreme acne, the cystic kind, where you have these pustules all over your face. And I think because of that as I grew out of that and became more healthy and healthy in appearance, psychologically I've still had this thing and I probably overcompensated by studying sexuality so that if a woman ever came to me, she would not be disappointed.

My nickname in high school was professor. If I studied something, I studied it. As a research chemist my job was to make my team an expert in whatever thing that we were bidding upon, it was applied chemical research, to become experts and read everything that had been written about that within a week or two so that we could come up with a way to do it better. And so that's the sort of energy and background that I applied to sexuality.

Then add into that, I've had times when I've lived like a priest and I have also been very promiscuous at times and had way too many lovers. But in the process I suppose maybe there was a purpose in that I have also on a personal basis had many, many experiences with women of different ages and nationalities and occupations. And so that's the background that I bring to you.

Now this whole idea of orgasm is not new. Sigmund Freud said there were two types of orgasm for women. There was the younger type, sort of teenage orgasm that involved the clitoris, but that as a woman matured, she learned about orgasm from the vagina. And if you read the medical literature and the sexual literature and the research and you read the popular press, there's still this debate about what exactly involves the female anatomy. It's amazing. There's still scholarly debate about is there a part of the woman's anatomy that's analogous with the man's prostate? Is there a difference in the psychology?

Some people will tell you, even within the part of the vagina that's being stimulated, it's part of the clitoris and the orgasm's the same. And there's psychological overlays and research has been done about involving that. And my experience has been that Freud was right most of the time. And here's the caveat. It takes all the ingredients of the recipe. And I think when people are seeing it not work at times, they're missing ingredients that are not seen in particularly some of the physiology parts of it. The biochemical parts of it that might make one woman able to respond in a particular way. And of course the psychological parts are there as well. And we're going to talk about that.

Now, let me just tell you a little bit of the personal background too so that you'll know a little bit about where I'm coming from and then let's plunge into the details about how to make this happen. The first time I saw a woman, and this is not about ejaculation per se. A woman can ejaculate without having an extreme orgasm and she can have an orgasm of course, without ejaculating.

The first time I saw a woman ejaculate, it was after I'd been married for 12 years. Actually, the first time I saw it was a film that I watched in medical school. We had a very short class in physiology and sex that was given by a psychiatrist. The lectures were given over a month's time. That was all that we were exposed as far as sexuality. But one of the first lectures he did was he showed a film of a woman ejaculating and he said, "I want everyone in this medical school class to know that this is a real phenomenon and this is not just urine. These women are not just urinating. There is such thing as a female ejaculating." And I really didn't give it much thought at the time. I was into my medical studies. I'd never seen this happen before.

At that point, I wasn't that sexually experienced and I didn't really realize what could be done with it psychologically, and I never saw it happen again. I eventually married was married for 12 years and then soon after that marriage broke up, I met a woman who was very experienced. She had done many things. She'd been in Penthouse, she'd been a dancer, she had lots of experience and I learned a lot from her. And she showed me that she could ejaculate, but it was sort of like almost like a parlor trick. It wasn't some psychological thing for her. It wasn't even an especially powerful orgasm for her. It was just a little trick she could do. And I still didn't even think much about it with that particular woman. And then later I met another woman that I deeply loved. And in the process of having sex with her, I noticed a change in the contour of the vagina that I had not noticed before. And soon after that she had an orgasm where she ejaculated. And this was a woman who had had difficulty even having an orgasm before she met me.

And after that particular orgasm, she became very emotionally vulnerable and responsive. And that's when I took note that this was something real. And that relationship came apart and she ended up marrying someone else. And that's, you know, I'm happy and she's happy and all that. But since that time I explored that phenomenon more, both more intensely with my reading and with lovers, and have found that there's a way to get to that place if the ingredients are there, much more quickly than what I've seen or seen talked about. So, and then the emotional things that can be done with that, both for good and bad and which is what makes this information almost dangerous well, they're just very powerful. So that's kind of some background. And let's just go into the material. I'll do the material in detail, get as far as I can.

Then I'll make it so that you guys can ask questions. And then within the next day or two, I'm not going to wait long, I'll do this again and again record it. And I'll keep it up long enough for you guys to hear it, then I'm taking it down. So let's just get started with details of how this happens. First, let's talk again briefly about the type of orgasm. Most women know that they have, of course there are women who just can't have an orgasm and we'll talk about that as well, but most women know that they have more than one kind of orgasm. Unlike men who, you know, it may be a little more powerful on one day than the other, but men basically have one type of orgasm. We can learn somewhat, I teach in my book how to ride the edge of orgasm and I call it sex surfing. And there's a way to have an orgasm without ejaculation, and that's a whole different topic.

But an orgasm is pretty much the same for men. But women know that there are little orgasms that sort of energize them, but the Chinese Tao tail taught that there was a different level of orgasm that left a woman exhausted and basically collapsed and emotionally vulnerable, at which point she may cry. And she reaches a little death where she stops breathing for a moment right before she gets to that place, and we'll get to the details of that later. But the point I'm making now is that there's more than one type of orgasm and that little happy orgasm can be a stress reliever and it can make, of course, sexuality used properly makes people emotionally bound to each other. But that second type of orgasm that Sigmund Freud described really causes a bond that's amazing. To get to that place I think requires not only some general principles about sexuality and the female anatomy, but also knowing how to find the specific way that that particular woman responds. Because we're all different, but we're all the same and those similarities are there, but being able to discover the woman, to discover particularly about that woman, is what makes this difficult and exciting at the same time.

If it were easy, there would be no need for this material and there would also be no particular thing that differentiated one lover from the next. This difficulty in exploring a woman's body is so closely tied to her emotions because you won't find out what she wants to know about your body in my opinion, unless she's open to you emotionally. So they're extremely tied together. Now I'm going to tell you the way I think you can get there the quickest and although I'm separating the steps out, it's almost like learning a dance routine. Not that mechanical as in what you will do with your hands and your body, but as far as what the ingredients are, it will sound very mechanical.

But then at the same time, when it's all there and it's put together, the whole process can be done in one evening. And I have met women and that day had sex with them that evening and had them collapse and cry and tell me that it changed their life. And then years later sending me letters, and phone calls telling me that their life was never the same after that. And this surprised me so much in the beginning, when it happened, I thought, well, this is just, well, they're just being sweet and complimentary and trying to be romantic or something. But as this became more common and I saw it happening more often, it got to the point to where I finally, I sat down and I wrote this down, this process down, and I told my oldest son. I said, " I don't know what I've stumbled upon here, but I've written something down." He's 18. I did this a few months ago. And I said, "If something ever happens to me, I want you to know this, and nobody else is ever going to teach it to you because I've never read this before. But anyway, so this process I'm going to teach you is what I have found works but you may read other processes, I guess, about learning it just like there's different forms of martial artists. There are jujitsu and wrestling and boxing and all these different forms. I'm sure there are different ways to do that. I want it to be humble enough to acknowledge that there may be other teachings out there, but this works.

The other thing is I want to stress the fact that it's not that easy. And even if you're with a woman that you've been with a long time and she's open to you, there are so many variables. This woman I told you about that I was so close to, when we finally got to that place, it was still not a place that we could go to at will anytime we wanted to. The emotional part of her being open to me enough to be able to do that had to be there. Tom had to be there. And I'll tell you, all these ingredients I'm about to tell you had to be there simultaneously, even though she loved me deeply. So I don't want you to be discouraged if you learn this material and the next time you hop in bed, it doesn't happen, though it might.

And I know there are some women on the call. Knowing this material, you can instruct your lover if he's open, and it might help you understand your own body better. So those are things. But still, this is not going to happen. Even if you're a woman and you're learning this material, I have found that it really is an art. It's almost like a performance. And just like when you sit down and play the piano, sometimes you sit down and your hands just go and it's just almost magic, and other times it just sounds like you're banging on the keys. So it's really an art form.

I guess I don't want to belabor that point, but I don't want you being discouraged. I want you to see it like an art that you practice like you would any other instrument. And look at your lover as if this is a fun, amazing. They're certainly more difficult than any musical instruments, the most expensive violin or piano. There's nothing compared to the body of your mother. Nothing. It's like a crude instrument compared to your lover's body. There are so many nerve endings and so much psychological overlay, it's a mystery. It's an absolute mystery in that we can even have any control over it at all is a miracle. So approach it that way, like an amazing, fun, wonderful gift that it is. Approach it like a gift and a sacred thing. I think it'll keep you more motivated and in the process.

Okay. Just take a break and look at my outline, because I don't want to leave anything else.

Okay. The other thing I think I mentioned. Even after you get this going and you figure out the combination, the next time you hop in your bed with your lover, nothing may work. That's just the thing of it, just like the piano performance I was describing to you.

All right. Now, the hormonal support. This is the part that I think is missing from some of the old literature that Freud did and some of the other early researchers with sexuality. I think that from what I've taught from actually doing blood work on some of my lovers, and seeing their sexuality change, and how it is before I did hormone replacement and afterward, and at the same time hearing my patients tell me how their sexuality changed. Like one woman told me. She came in. I loved her expression. I wish you could see her telling me this story instead of hearing me telling it. But she came in, typical sort of scenario. The poor lady just adored her husband.

And I'm very proud of what I've done. Some people think of it as sleazy when they hear that I've helped men and women with their sexuality, but it's such a gift to give back a couple their sexuality when their marriage is struggling. I've just been so privileged to be able to just witness this happening.

But this woman came in, and she adored her husband. And after doing what we did with her, she and I, as far as her following my instructions for the hormone replacement. Within a few weeks, she came in and her eyes were all big and she says, "This is the first time I've ever felt an [inaudible 00:23:04] I've never felt anything like this where it felt like an explosion before."

And the research is there. What I'm trying to say to you is that if the hormone replacement, if the hormone support is not there, it's hard to have the emotional and the physical response. When I first started learning about hormone replacement, I was still in the ER. And I'd had the typical sort of, I think, a primitive overview of hormone replacement as a medical student and a resident, and the typical sort of endocrinological explanation. But the past 10 years of research had not been presented to me.

But in 1999, I saw a lecture by a European physician, and I think they're ahead of us in Europe. The Italians and the Swiss and Japanese are ahead of the United States when it comes to hormone replacement. But there was a fellow there from Europe who had shown a picture of an older woman with a flat affect, almost Parkinson-like expression on her face. And then he showed another young woman, just her face, and it looked like she was in the middle of an orgasm. He just said one thing that stuck with me. He said, "You cannot have deep emotions without hormones." That may be an overstatement, but it may not be. I really think that it's hard to have those deep, romantic love emotions and it's hard to have those deep, powerful explosive orgasms without hormone replacement.

Now, here's where I have trouble not getting angry. Because at the present time, just within the past year, I saw a paper in the New England Journal where they were talking about a testosterone patch for women as if this was something to even still be considered. They were saying that the testosterone seemed to help women's sexuality and perhaps had more orgasms and they were more pleasurable. Perhaps. But they still weren't sure if it should be done or not. And I just wanted to tear the magazine up and scream, because what that tells me is that there are still many thousands of women not being treated because these endocrinologists are just not getting off their duff and admitting what's been in the medical literature for the past 10 years. So you still have doctors that are afraid to do this, even though there's plenty of support there for it.

As early as 10 years ago, there was an article in OBGYN showing that if you started testosterone replacement a week before hysterectomy, women recovered from the surgery better, and they had better sexual relations. That was 10 years ago, and there's been a mountain of research since then. There's been multiple papers showing that if anything, it decreases the chance of breast cancer. So I won't belabor that point anymore. There's a lot more on my website. But my point is that for this to work, there needs to be the proper hormone replacement.

Now, here's the other trick with this, and I have seen this frequently. Frequently, frequently in women under 30. Because women under 30 think, well, their hormones are perfect. But here's how the woman under 30 gets tricked. I'm in a relationship now, a serious relationship with a woman that is in her late twenties. She's 27 has, and three children from a previous marriage. So here's the trick with her. She was put on birth control, which gets handed out like candy in my opinion without thinking about the consequences. I don't want to get into all the details of hormone replacement, but I think that I don't have to make the point so much that if you're near menopause, it needs to be checked and testosterone.

The one point I want to make about the perimenopausal or postmenopausal woman is that without testosterone it will be difficult for her to have the sexual feelings and the orgasmic response that is possible. And when I say testosterone replacement, I mean replacing that free testosterone up to the high end of normal for a woman. And there again, the details of how to do that are on the website, and you need a physician who's willing and knowledgeable about how to do that.

But here's the trick about women under 30. It's that when you put them on birth control ... Well, for a woman over 30 for that matter, but it's not thought about so much in women under 30. How does birth control work? Why does it work? It works because the woman gets the estrogen and progesterone, or just progesterone depending on the form and the pituitary gland sees those hormones and stops making as much luteinizing hormone and follicle stimulating hormone. That's a lot of gibberish, I suppose, if you're not familiar with those hormones. But the bottom line is what happens is the pituitary shuts off the ovary, which is what you want if you want to not get pregnant.

Well, when that happens and you shut off the ovary, of course the ovary quits making as much estrogen and as much progesterone, but you don't notice that because the woman's taking that by mouth and she continues to have a menstrual period. She may even have more regular menstrual periods than she did without it. So that part looks nice and healthy, and she feels like things should be working, as does her gynecologist if the gynecologist is not savvy to modern ways of thinking about hormone replacement.

And here's the trick of it. When that happens, her testosterone replacement, or excuse me, her testosterone level also falls. And that is the tragedy of birth control pills or implants. Because when that falls, then her libido drops, she gains weight, she's more likely to have depression, and she's more likely to have migraines. So she comes back to the doctor and she gets put on Lexapro, which kills her sex drive even more. Now, not only is she gaining weight, now she's a zombie. She's not depressed.

I shouldn't say she's a zombie. She's becoming more flat in her affect and she may feel ... Women tell me they feel like they're turning into zombies. They're still in there. I'll look at them and then I'll say, "You're still in there. We can get you out. I know where you're hiding, we can get you out." And they just break down in the cry because they know they're still in there somewhere, that they can't find themselves because they've kind of been zombied out with this Lexapro, or Xanax or Paxil or whatever it is. But the testosterone fall has caused their depression and caused their lack of sexual desire, or decreased sexual desire and their decreased ability to have a orgasm. So that's really my pet peeve, one of them.

It used to be, actually, one of the labs in my state that was called Alabama Reference Labs. And when I first started doing hormone replacement, they would actually give two normal values for total testosterone level in a woman. The level was reported to be normal at 20 to 80 unless she was on birth control pills, and then the normal level was zero to 20, or maybe zero to 40. Anyway, it was a much lower level if she was on birth control. So it's well documented and well known, but not often thought about.

All right, so the answer for that of course is for the woman to be given ... If she wants to stay with oral birth control or an implant instead of an IUD or a condom, some sort of barrier method, then the answer is to give her just an amount of testosterone as well while she's on the birth control pills. So that's probably all you need to know about the hormone part for now.

Well, let's see. We'll get to ... Let me look at my outline. I want to make sure I'm not leaving anything out. There probably is something else I should mention. Let me go ahead and tell you one other thing about hormones.

I don't find this often. But if a woman is having difficulty, another thing that gets overlooked frequently is a prolactin level, P-R-O-L-A-C-T-I-N. It's a easy thing to check. It's just a blood test. And if that is too high ... This is one it goes too high. Usually the woman, but not always, usually she'll have some mild breast milk production, or galactorrhea is what it's called, but not always. And if that level is up, it's hard for her. She'll feel depress and have difficulty having a sexual response. It can be treated by just taking a tablet twice a week and it drops it back down. But a lot of times physicians just don't think to check it. I've probably found that once every two to three months. But when you find it, it's very rewarding because often the woman suffered for years and no one's ever identified it, and then when I treat it changes her life. So prolactin level is important.

The other hormones are less important with sexual response. Thyroid, as it helps with energy. Growth hormone helps some with weight loss and sense of wellbeing. But the sexual response, the two primary driving hormones are testosterone makes you better and prolactin makes it worse. Estrogen, and a lot of people will tell me, "Well, I should be responding well. I'm on the estrogen," or, "I'm on progesterone." Sorry. If anything, they cause weight gain and more irritability. Now, they help some with the feelings of romance and that feeling of a sweet talk of surrender. And I have had very strong-willed women, even some of the lesbian women who take the middle row still tell me that the estrone gives them a deeper sort of awareness and sexuality and romantic-type feeling. And even men need some estrogen for memory and other purposes, but just not too high of a level. So it plays a minor role, but it's still important to a point.

Let's see. Let's get to the next topic. That's probably enough for hormones. Then the next is that I think that it's I literally want you to decide that you are going to know more about ... Whether it's a long-time lover or wife for 50 years or if this is someone that you have just met, if they're worth spending time with, then they're worth knowing. And it will amaze you that within a very short time, if you just want to know, you can know more about a woman sometimes within a day than anyone else has, even if they have spent years with her, just by the wanting to know and the being open to learning about her and being accepting enough to make it safe for her to be known.

But first, I think it takes recognizing that. And this is a very important step, because without it all the rest of it falls apart. You have to recognize the fact that this woman is different from anybody else on the planet. There's a deep secret to how she thinks and how her body works. Unless you make it safe for her to reveal that to you, you won't find it out. And it may even change from day to day. There may be a baseline way of her thinking and a process of the way her physiology works and the way she responds to touch and to words, but it can change. You being willing to relearn and unlearn ... It's an amazing process, but when you get to the place to where she knows that you want to know and you make it safe for her to be open to you, you've made it past one of the major things that prevents people to getting to this total surrender type, deep orgasm. So being accepting is important. And then on the flip side, if you do this, this is kind of ironic I think, if you make yourself open to learning from her and being accepting to her, then you will be open to learning how to take her to this place. And I will tell you what to watch for, and how to make her open, and how to find these things out about ... how to make it easier to discover these things about her and her body. And when you get to that place where you know any more about her than anybody ever did, you will be the best lover she ever had, whether that takes you a day, or a week, or 10 years. But then on the flip side of it is that unless you're okay with not being her best lover, she's not going to be open to you.

Even though I'm teaching you something that could be used in a very destructive way, if it's not based upon the idea of loving in a really unselfish, deep way, it falls apart and quits working. And that's the part that makes you have to be willing to not ... It's not about being the best lover she ever had, it's about taking care of her the best way that you can. And in the process it's a little kid analogy, I know, but I don't want to simplify it too much. But it's like when you play the piano, you enjoy it, but if the piano had feelings, it would probably enjoy it too. If you have a cat or a dog, when you pet this animal, somehow you're gaining pleasure by giving this little pet poodle pleasure by scratching behind the ear.

So and that's, again, it's almost a trite example, but because of the pleasures you get from bringing your lover to this place, it doesn't border on it, it becomes a spiritual thing. It becomes a deep spiritual thing so that you're bound to that person. You're really bound to this person I think forever. Not that they will be your one and only lover, things might fall apart for whatever reason, but there will always be a love there and a connection there when this process happens. That's my deep belief. Just within the past day, I received a text message from a woman I haven't seen in 20 years, who says she still thinks of me every day. And I'll just tell you, this is a deep thing not to be taken lightly. I guess I'm over ... I need to quit harping on that.

But I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that it is about love, a very unselfish love, and when that's a true fact, when that's a true thing about you, whether you just met this woman, if you're able to love her to the point to where you would die for her, she will know it. And then, she can be open to you. So we'll talk more about that in a minute. But let's just start. I think that's the background of where we're going, and that may seem like details, but that's really the background. So now I'm going to actually give you the recipe. All right, here's the step-by-step recipe. All right, so this is my little formula. But when I told my son, "Listen, I'm going to write this down for you, because if something happens to me, I don't know where you would go find this."

I told you this story a minute ago, but just to flush it out, they're young men. They're 16, 18, and 14, and I hope I'm here to see my great grandchildren. I'm 50, and I've just worked out twice a day and I feel wonderful. My dad is 72, and still works out twice a day. So I hope I'll live a long life, but for whatever reason, if I'm not here when they're married, I want them to know this. And so, I just wrote down a little recipe for my 18-year-old, and gave him the quick version of this class, and said, "Whenever you're married, I want you to know this. If something happens to me, I want you to know what's going on here." So that's the little formula that I'm going to give you. This is the recipe.

Okay, so the first part of it is that if a woman ... if you think about this in terms of just the animal kingdom, let's take the spiritual and the emotional out for a minute, the body responds sexually best when the body thinks that it's okay to bring offspring into the world. So if let's say extreme conditions, you're are undernourished because you're in a prison camp, you're not going to have even menstrual periods, a woman won't. She'll just quit having periods. In the same way that a woman with anorexia nervosa who's malnourished and over training, they usually run. It helps kill their appetite, and they get down to skin and bones. They quit having menstrual periods. And if you look at their hormonal status, it's kind of interesting. It's also similar to an extreme marathoner.

Their growth hormone levels drop. Their master hormone levels drop. They quit having menstrual periods, and the essentially sees that this is a stressful condition and not a time to bring a child into the world, and their sexuality suffers because of it. The same thing can happen to even what it would appear to be healthy women, who their percent body fat gets too low, and they quit having menstrual periods, that's what's happening. So the woman's body has to think that this is the proper conditions to have a child, even if she's post-menopausal. That's why this doesn't work usually if she's not being replaced hormonally.

Now that the other fun thing parenthetically is that if she is replaced hormonally, even past the age of 60 ... I don't know how often this has happened, but I had one person who did tell me that she had her first ... I almost cried, it was so touching to me. She had her first orgasm ever in her life at the age of 65, a few months after I started her on hormone replacement. She was there with her husband, I can't remember if he had some sort of physical handicap, but they have been together forever, and loved each other deeply.

And you could just see just the closeness, and his pleasure. He didn't say a word, but he was in the room when she told me that. And I thought, "What a deep love these people have had." They've been together all this time and this poor woman has probably been testosterone-deficient most of her life. She probably got put on birth control, or who knows, maybe she had something go wrong with a pituitary gland. But she was probably low testosterone most of her life, and they loved each other and had sexual relations, and had children, but never hadn't female orgasm at all. So the point of that story is that even into what technically is becoming old age, technically, we're supposed to be, "Old," after 65, this still becomes possible if you hormonally tell the body that, "This is the time to have children."

Now, the other little thing about the body being healthy, I have found the women that in addition to having hormone replacement, the women who are exercising also have better sexuality. And I don't think it's just about, they think they look prettier when they're naked. And that is part of it, I'm sure psychologically. They want to be naked more, women do when they feel attractive. And they feel more sexual. But those of you who have heard some of my, or read any of my materials, you know that there are hormonal changes that take place with exercise that probably cannot be duplicated in any other way. I don't know how to stress that enough. There are things that a woman does when she exercises that no doctor anywhere on this planet can duplicate.

We know there are over 200 hormones made by the pituitary gland. We don't know what they all do. When I do a hormone profile on someone that has 15 tests or so on it, that's really kindergarten compared with what's really going on in the brain. We know there's more serotonin and dopamine produced. There's these endorphins or morphine-like that are produced. There's more testosterone. There's more thyroid. The brain chemistry changes dramatically when a person is exercising on a regular basis. The most orgasmic woman I ever met, who was a lover of mine, she was a very healthy gymnast who was also very energetic in her younger years. She was gymnast, but she continued to train. She would have many, many. She said even as a young child when she was training as a gymnast, she would sit on her foot and have 15 orgasms in a day just sitting on her heel while she did her homework at home. But she's also probably one of the most fit women I've ever met. And I don't think that's a coincidence.

Again, when I've interviewed these thousands of women that have been my patients, my patients are taught that they won't be healthy without exercise. So when that exercise happens along with the hormone replacement that I do, you have a woman whose body thinks it's time to reproduce, and ultimately their brain is ready to respond sexually. So here I'm talking more mechanically, not just the spiritual part and the emotional part. I'm talking more than mechanics and the physiology, but the women lovers I've had who are brought to this place, almost immediately the first time we were in bed, and were often promiscuous, and brought someone here after not even knowing them for very long, it's been in women that have been very healthy from whatever they were doing previously.

Let's see, so the first part, or the first step of this is good physical health, and that is possible for a woman at any age, I think. Now, one other parenthetic thing about that topic is that there are prescription medicines in general that will sidetrack it. Just like there are things that need to be corrected, there are things that will sidetrack the process. Lexapro is one, as an example. If a woman actually needs the antidepressant, Wellbutrin is much better, and usually will not sidetrack the process. Most of the other antidepressants will. Some of the blood pressure medicines, and I won't belabor that point, but your physician should know, and you can always go online and just read now. I love it how patients are ... I love it when they come in, and they've read. That's not threatening to me. I learn from my patients. So, you read about whatever medicines you're on, right? And you see if this is something that might sidetrack the process. Okay, the first part is physical health. It needs to be excellent.

The second part is emotional trust. The woman has to be able to completely to have ... this is like the thing my grandmother used to say. I would go visit my grandmother and she was just a sweet, unusual person. She was the kind that would give you anything. If you told her you liked something, she would insist that you take it home with you, no matter if it was the couch, or a picture on the wall. But I can remember as a child her telling me that if I would take a salt shaker and put salt on the tail of a bird, that I could catch it. Well of course, if you get close enough to put salt on birds tail, you can catch it. But that's the catch. You don't really need the salt.

Well, the same thing, it may seem this way. I'm telling you that you're here to learn how to have a total surrender orgasm. And I'm telling you for the woman to have a total surrender orgasm, she has to completely surrender to you. Well, unfortunately that's the truth. Emotionally, she has to let go. And once she does that, and I'm going to tell you how to get her to that place in the moment, or at least the best way I know, that for her to be able to emotionally let go, it's necessary for you to then take her, help her go through the door to really let it go. She'll let go. When she lets go on a superficial psychological way, then when she has an orgasm, it goes deeper surrender, where she's literally crying and open to you in a spiritual way. So that's why it's necessary.

Now for her to do that, it's sort of like she has to sense this strength about you, that you can emotionally catch her when she starts to fall. So this has to be like, she doesn't think of it perhaps in these terms, but back on the animal way, she has to know that you're strong enough to protect her and her offspring. Now she may be 60 years old and all her children are grown, but in an emotional basis though, she's looking for that much strength. And I don't want to get too preachy here, but this is actually in most of the scriptures of whatever religion. But on a Christian basis, this was taught that a man should love his wife enough to die for her, and the woman should obey the man.

Now that's a really tough saying, unless you really think about that on a deeper level in that if a man truly loves a woman enough to die for her, even if you forget where this saying came from, throw all the spirituality out of it and just think about this match, the yin and the yang match here. Just think about people, if a person loves you enough to want to die for you, or not want to, but be willing to lay down and die if necessary for you, then it becomes safe to obey them, because you know they're not going to want to hurt you. And it's either part of that formula breaks down, it becomes an abusive situation. If the man does not love the woman enough to die for her, and she's obeying him, then it can become abusive, because he may want her to do things that are not good for her. If the man does love her enough to die for her, and she's not obedient, then she can order him around like a mouse and abuse him.

So, and that's where I think it comes, if you read any pop psychology book, and most women and men know this, whether they've read Self Magazine or the Kama Sutras, there's this thing where men want to be respected, and women want to be cherished and loved. And that's a safer way of saying that men need to be willing to love their woman enough to die for her. And the woman has to be willing to, not willing, but able to get to the place to trust the man enough to obey him. And when that happens, there's this amazing chemistry that happens that opens the woman up to surrendering. That is the key and wants you to think about and ponder, what would that really look like? So first of all, you need a couple things. You need a man that's willing enough to be strong enough to ask for that and demand it. That's strong, that's strong. And that's the kind of a thing that you can't just pop out there on your website because it can be misinterpreted. But imagine saying to them, I'm willing to die you in whatever ways, maybe not that word, those words, but loving and loving not as an emotional feeling, but loving in an emotion and a doing sort of way. She's sure not going to feel that you love her enough to die for her if you don't want to even know about her or... I mean, how can you love her if you don't even know her? You just know a mask because she's never open to you because you beat her up every time she tells you something. So you have to be willing to love her even if she's not good, even if she's fat or ugly or beat up or done horrible things, the way Christ loved the prostitutes and hated the self righteous preachers. Or not hated them, but... Anyway, you see what I'm saying? It doesn't matter if she was selling on the street two weeks ago. If you can't love her anyway, she's not going to feel safe.

So those are strong words, but it has to be there somehow. So she has to fell that you're strong enough to handle whatever she is emotionally and that you are strong in the areas where she feels weak. So you provide this emotional and this physical safety. Now you also have to be able to provide privacy for her. She can't open to you emotionally if you don't think of this in a sacred way, so whether you just met her that day or she's your wife of 20 years, whatever you know about her has to be wanted, it has to be accepted and loved. Whether she's crying or hurt or scarred inside, you have to love her scars. You have to love everything about her. Even if it's ugly, you don't sugar coat it and say it's not ugly, but you love it anyway.

And that takes a strength that a lot of people are not capable of, a love that's deeper than most people are not capable of. These are not easy sayings, and the [inaudible 00:56:31] across in a short time, if you just met a woman an hour ago is also a difficult thing, but it can be done. But if it's not, then it may be difficult to get to where we're going here. Okay, so she has to feel like... Think of these, whatever you know about or is sacred. Again, she's not going to open up her treasure chest if she thinks you're going to take it out and scatter it to the wind. So metaphorically by sharing whatever she tells you or not treasuring it.

Okay. The next part of this emotional trust is that when you are together for this to work, there has to be the feeling of unlimited time. It can't be a time rush on this, to bring her to this total surrender orgasm. Now, let me back up just a minute. I know this is sounding esoteric and maybe too much for some of you, but the practicality of it is that again, it can be done if you have these ideas and you can bring yourself to this place and it becomes the actual doing of it, we're practical, so try not to go away. Try to hang with me. We'll get to some more concrete things here in a minute. Like the thing I just said, for the emotional trust, when you are with her, she has to have as much time as she needs. So there needs to be literally a physical place that's protected and a time that is at least not going to be cut off because she has to run somewhere with the kids or the phone's going to be ringing and these are sort of basic things. I just want to remind you to bring her to a total surrender orgasm when you come to the bedroom or wherever you are, those conditions have to be there.

There will be times when this will happen without those. I have had encounters where time was limited, but that's unusual and it was with a woman that already knew very well her body. But when you're exploring and trying to get to this place for the first time with a woman, usually you need a sense of timelessness. Well let's see. What's the next thing on here? Make sure I'm not skipping something. Let me talk a little bit more about this full exposure idea and then I think I'll stop for questions and then I'll have another teleseminar within the next day or two where I'll go... We're probably about a third of the way through this thing. And I'll leave this up. If you don't have time to make the teleseminar tomorrow, I'm going to leave all these up like I said, and you'll get notices about how to click and listen so you're not going to miss anything and I'll send it out. I have tried to figure out how to send this out so it can't be disseminated, but I guess there's no way. I just have trust you guys to keep it private.

This is very important. Let me talk more about how to get full exposure because when she feels this, you are... It's almost necessary to get her to this total surrender orgasm. And it can be done, like I said, quickly but it can be done over a process, and I don't care if you've known this woman for five minutes or 50 years. There are levels to her because women are... We're all changing and there are levels of her that you haven't seen yet. So here's, I think, the best way to get women to full exposure. And I want to say where I learned this. I actually learned this from... I read everything from the scriptures to interviewing literally people who have... I have lots of different types of patients. I have patients that have been prostitutes or dancers. I have patients that have trained their own personal sex slaves and supervise free love type communities. So I have lots of different people that I've talked to.

One particular person I talked to, he was an old guy now, but throughout his life he's had multiple women who have actually almost indentured themselves as sex slaves. The way he gets them to trust him enough to do this was very interesting. Basically it involves asking the woman to reveal herself and even keep a journal for him. And then at first brush that sounds very sleazy, and some of his ideas are not in line with my ethics, but on the other hand, how can you love someone when you don't really know them? The person's going to feel like you're in love with their mask. And even though they may love you and feel open enough with you to have sex, they're going to feel empty if they think that they can only trust you enough to see their mask or whatever it is there still safe enough to show you. Even if there's a second level that they've shown you, if there's a deeper level that they haven't, then you're still as far as they're concerned in love with their mask.

And when you get to the place to where you can ask for and keep getting more and more from the woman and still let her see that you love her, then she knows she's really loved and perhaps for the first time, whether you're her 20th lover or her first teenage lover that she's been married to for 50 years, she may actually feel loved for the first time when you get to those places that she's been hiding. So one way to do that I think is to just ask. Take time on a regular basis if this is a longterm relationship, and those are definitely the best. I've tried it both ways. There is nothing better than a good marriage. That's the best. but whatever it is, having a regular time that's really not about sex, but it's about knowing this person, not just their body, but knowing who they are and asking them who they are. Ask them to write down things for you. Even keep a little journal for you that only you get to read, where they tell you things they want you to know, and then you look at it and actually talk about what it is and love them through it.

I don't know a better way to say that except the asking and the taking time to ask and the wanting to know and the loving and making it safe for her to be known, and you may find that even in times when you have not planned on having sex, when she is certainly felt known on a deeper level and still loved, that is when you're going to have some amazing sex. And the women that I have seen have this type of orgasm with me, whether it was a woman I was married to or someone I just met that night, in every case without exception, they felt safe enough to be known by me better than they were known. And when they got to that place, then they were physically able to get to where we're talking about, this total surrender orgasm.

All right. I think I'm gonna stop there and see what questions you have and then call it a night, because it's been a solid hour and then either tomorrow night or the next night I'll do another one that you can listen to and this one will be up to relisten to if you want to, and I'll have printed materials out within the week. So I'm going to open it up to see if you guys have any questions or comments. Okay. Anybody have any questions? Okay, well I'm honored that you guys thought enough of me to hear some of my ideas. I would be interested, if you want to shoot me an email or something to let me know what you think of the material, what questions you have. I know it's kind of an odd situation, if you have questions, shoot them to me in an email and I'll answer them on the next recording and the next call.

Tomorrow's Saturday. I think I might go and do another one of these tomorrow around lunchtime. I'll shoot an email out about the time, so if you have questions, send me an email tonight or in the morning and I'll answer them on the next call. Part of the reason I've never done a course on this is it really is sacred. When you see a woman just break down and cry in front of you and tell you that's the most love she's ever felt and it's changed her life and that even years later when she's married to someone else, you know that their life is different because of this, or years later when you're still married to her and you know that this is a woman who's opened up her life in many other ways because of what happened with the two of you in the bedroom.

Part of the reason I guess I've never talked about it is some things are just so amazing that I'm not sure anybody's worthy to talk about them, and some things are so sacred it's like just the talking about it I think degrades it. Then when I hear myself speak of these things, it almost makes me ashamed that I'm even bringing them out in the open. But on the other hand, if you take me at my word and you do these things, when I think about... I guess what changed my mind about it is I knew that I wanted my sons to have the benefit of this with their own marriages, and so [inaudible 01:08:07] will other people need that same benefit. So I'm grateful that y'all are open to these ideas and I'll do something else within the next day or so. So I guess that's it. Goodbye.

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